Proverbs 31 - "A woman worth far more than rubies"
These last two weeks, as I have searched God out more earnestly, I have felt him calling me to search myself deeper. I try everyday to do the right thing for my family, my marriage, my students, etc. I always have done everything I could to make all the areas of my life "richer and better". Little did I know, this would be my biggest downfall.
I truly feel that God, in the last couple of weeks, has impressed upon me to "let go". Everything that I have been struggling with understanding about that concept, I felt was brought to light today. I was sitting in church and listening to the sermon about "giving everything - every part of you to God". I sat there thinking, not bad of a sermon, one I have DEFINITELY heard more than one time in my life. In fact, I could probably give the sermon myself. As I sat there, the oddest...no, the most beautiful thing happened. I suddenly felt God's presence, and in that moment, He was making sense of everything I was struggling to understand.
Letting go. I did not realize that it was something I had never quite done. I have always put my faith in God, prayed to him in the good times, in the hard times, and believed that he was leading me along the right path. The part that I was missing? I was setting myself one step in front of Him.."just in case". I am a planner, organizer, and a little OCD. I think these are all qualities that God can use and has used in me. However, the part I could not see, was that I needed God to LEAD in every aspect of my life.
Letting go of everything is not in my nature. Thankfully, I was reminded of these words "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11. These words, again, I have heard multiple times...but I never had thought to apply them to my whole life - my marriage, raising my son, taking care of the house, taking care of finances...so on and so on. I was limiting God on what I wanted Him to be in control of.
So, today I have a new hope; A new purpose. My goal, is still the same. I do want great things for all that surrounds my life. The only difference is it will not start with "what I can do to make it better" but "what can I do". I am an instrument of God's plan and purpose and I do not want to set limitations on those plans again. It will be something that I will have to pray daily about...but I know that He will be with me leading the way.
I started this post with Proverbs 31 because these words have been impressed on me for two weeks. I have always loved PARTS of this chapter. I decided that there were things on here that were just outdated and no longer applicable. I am making it a point to study this chapter and really take in what it is saying to ME as a mom, wife, sister, daughter, teacher, and friend. I have no disillusions for this to be something I figure out overnight...in fact, I believe that this is something that God is going to have me working on for awhile. All I know, is I am excited to start this journey on becoming a Proverbs 31 woman of God and fulfilling my life as He planned it to be.
I love this song by NEEDTOBREATHE and it really moved me this week. I love how God uses all kinds of ways to reach us.